A change of plans Friday morning kept James in the hospital through the weekend. Not what we hoped for or expected, but if we’ve learned nothing else these past few years, we’ve learned to be flexible. James made sure we knew that right from the start.
Early in my pregnancy I began to research birthing options. After the positive-pregnancy-test-excitment faded, the very first thing I thought about was how this baby was going to come out. And honestly, there was some fear at first. So I read books, talked with friends, and looked at numerous websites. (A little bedrest gives you time for that.) Through my reading and research there were two things I knew for sure; I didn’t want an epidural and I wanted some form of natural childbirth – hypnobirthing, waterbirth, midwife, doula, somehow I would do this, and I would do it without an epidural. Sometime in my teenage years I watched a “news” special on how epidurals were causing paralysis, and decided then I would never have one. To go back on that decision now felt like tempting fate a little too much.
Well, those plans changed almost as soon as they were made. My natural, epidural-free childbirth turned into an emergency c-section (with an epidural), which had a domino-like effect. So many plans changed and so many decisions were now out of my control. Initially, being flexible was the only option. We could resist and question everything. We could be angry and bitter. Or, we could find a way to take each moment as it came and make the best of it. There was a learning curve involved, (which is still in place at times…) but for the most part we are able to go with the flow and make the most of each situation. I have seen bitterness and anger in other preemie moms. I don’t blame them one bit, it is a journey that is difficult beyond words. Sometimes anger seems to be the only emotion that fits. I’m thankful that James has given us a way around that, and over time we’ve found a way to accept this unexpected path we’re on. A face like this sure makes it a lot easier!!